Halloween is coming, and with it the plethora of store-bought costumes. When I was growing up, though, my favorite costume was Optimus Prime. It wasn’t anything you bought in the store (which, in the 80’s, was just going to be a garbage bag with the word “Transformers” printed across it, anyways). My dad created a cardboard Optimus for me to wear one Halloween. It wasn’t very accurate to the cartoon, but a lot of love went into it. It’s still my most fondly remembered Halloween costume to this day.
Looking at this list of top Adult Costumes, it’s not difficult to imagine that the female version of these outfits are designed with “sexy” as the adjective: “witch,” “pirate,” “vampire,” “cat,” “angel,” and “nurse.” (Speaking of which …how long is it going to be since we’ve gone past the time that nurses can be considered sexy? Maybe it’s because I’ve hung around hospitals too much the last two years, but the modern nurse outfit is baggy, shapeless, and not at all atractive. And then there’s the everpresent smell of antiseptic, to boot. No, real nurses don’t strike me as sexy at all. And please don’t get uppity with me, medical types… more than half my relatives are nurses.)
But then there’s an intriguing challenge. Number 8 on the list of popular costumes is “clown.” It’s been said that any profession can be made sexy on Halloween night. Is it possible to make a “sexy clown” costume for the ladies? Doesn’t the clown ethic require baggy clothing and faces that look like they’ve been stricken by leprosy?
I mean, it’s not impossible for there to be a sexy clown. Observe:
However, the Halloween costume counterpart is quite underwhelming. Search online for “Batgirl,” “Supergirl,” or, heck, “Rainbow Brite” adult costumes, and you’ll quickly see that Harley Quinn is the friggin’ Mother Teresa of superhero/supervillain costumes.
Continue reading Where be the sexy clown costumes?
So unlike the other Rooktopia Top Ten, these are actually based on real statistics. The Top Children’s costumes, as defined by the National Retail Foundation, can be found at this site. The purpose of this list is to elaborate on my own marginal opinion for each of these timeless October 31 motifs. When those adorable little moppets start to lurk around your door, asking for tricks or treats, what frightening creature of they night will they be disgused as?
#10 – Power Ranger. Wait a minute… kids still watch this show? How? I’m pretty sure this show was on before I went to college, and that was over 10 years ago! Bandai must have the greatest marketing staff in existence to keep this scam for going on this long. Either that, or the NRF is starting to confuse Power Ranger-like substances with the real thing. (“What’s a ‘LaDanian Thomlinson’? Looks like a Power Ranger to me.”) I guess I’m just having a hard time imagining that the modern kid is still into Power Rangers, since I associate it more with college freshmen and misplaced nostalgia.
#9 – Ghost. I’m surprised this wasn’t ranked higher. A white bedsheet with two holes is about the easiest costume you can make. Boys and girls can wear it. And you can even make a decent case that you’re really “Charlie Brown wearing a ghost costume” if you poke enough holes in the costume. Sadly, I think this has to do with the increase in the price of bed sheets, forcing children of lower tax brackets to dress up in discounted “ID4 Alien” outfits.
#8 – Pumpkin/Jack o’ Lantern. Once upon a time, I would’ve thought that this was a weird idea for a costume, but when we went to the pumpkin patch over the weekend there were a ton of kids in pumpkin outfits. Most of them were toddlers, though. This doesn’t sound particularly safe. What happens when a pumpkin picker accidentally takes a baby home by mistake? Tears, police involvement, and 10-20 years upstate, that’s what.
#7 – “Star Wars” characters. This is right up there with my disbelief over Power Rangers. Kids are still dressing up as Star Wars characters? I’m assuming that Darth Vader, Jedi Knight, and Yoda are popular costumes, though I’m sure there’s some poor kid with parents who bought into the whole Jar Jark Binks hype. I guess the recent trilogy did good money, and the only people who are complaining are the ones that should’ve rolled up their pre-production “Revenge of the Jedi” replica poster a long time ago, but I guess I figured midichlorians hadn’t tapped into the ying of youth imagination the way the originals did. Color me surprised. Jedi surprised.
#6 – Princess (Disney). You ever wonder why there isn’t a Disney Prince line for boys? Of course not, becuase not many boys would want to dress up like a bland milksop. Well, except for Aladdin, and he had that weird open vest number. It’s the Princesses that had all the personality and attitude. Girls like that! Also, they like the pretty outfits they wore in the in the movies. It’s a win win! (Note: while she’s bundled at the Disney Store with the princess packages, Tinkerbell is not a Princess. The NRF lists Tink costumes separately. Which begs the question: how do we know she’s not some sort of Fairy Princess of Neverland?)
#5 – Fairy. This is sort a variant of the princess costume, only more sparkly and with wings. (I’m going to go out on a limb that “fairy” represents ones that look like the Tooth Fairy, not disturbing “Pibgorn” style fairies.) I’m going to guess that the main attraction is the wand with the glowing star at the end. It’s a nifty tool to hang your treat back off of. Plus, you can use it as a makeshift weapon in case your little brother gets all grabby with the candy.
Continue reading Top 10 Children’s Halloween Costumes