Lame joke time

If Wonder Woman was a Transformer…. she would be Amazon Prime.

Ranking: the PAW Patrol


#1 CHASE

You cannot get better than the pup who is always on the case.  A favorite of princesses, a certified police officer, and an all around performer, Chase is pretty much the team’s backbone.  If you’re some mustachioed mayor you’d better pray that he’s not part of the three person squad sent to sniff you out.

#2 MARSHALL

While something of a bumbling buffoon, his skills are surprisingly versatile.  There’s the firefighting aspect, which is handy.  But need someone to paint something green or put some whipped cream on a sundae? Surprisingly you call the dog with the fireman hat.  I’m pretty sure the hose shoots actual fire, too, which would put him in Guy Montag territory.

#3 RUBBLE

Rubble’s gotta have some of the most destructive equipment, what with the shovel and drill and such… but he’s kind of square in the personality department.  Still, that catchphrase.  “On the double,” indeed.

#4 SKYE

This pup seems completely designed to give Tumblr conniption fits.  She’s the only girl on the squad.  She’s barely included in missions, unless it involves Sweetie who apparently is still allowed to live at the castle despite being a habitual traitor.  She has the least aggressive ability (flight) that all the boys have anyway.  And all her stuff is pink.  I haven’t checked, but I’m sure she’s launched nearly a hundred angry Jezebel thinkpieces.

#5 ROCKY

The favorite PAW Patroller of absolutely no one.  Basically the Hawkeye of the Avengers, only that guy’s power isn’t garbage collection.  Man, imagine the kid who gets this guy and his accessories as a birthday present.  I repeat: his vehicle is a garbage truck.  How did Everest — the snow and surf specialist — not make it on the regular squad… and yet they had room for the sanitation worker?

Why do you run?

Recently, I’ve taken to running as a hobby.  I have done six 5K’s this year already.  What would motivate me to do such a thing?  Health?  The runner’s high? Great scenery?

Well… mainly it’s the costuming opportunities.

A few challenges to consider:

  1. Not all superhero costumes are created equal.  Flash is the fastest guy on the planet … which is why he can wear red longjohns and a full face mask.  He’s got superpowers that tap into the Speed Force!  For the rest of us mere mortals… it’s a very sweaty combination.  If you’re using the Xcoser Flash mask, the best looking one, I imagine the latex smell will be intolerable.  Which is why I went with Robin.  As I told a friend, “Man, you don’t appreciate the Boy Wonder’s short shorts until you have to run in them!”
  2. If you must wear a mask, I would go with the lycra version.  Also, get one with sufficient eye and mouth holes.  I actually ordered two different types of lycra lucha masks for a Cinco de Mayo run.  The first, based on Mistico, was really tight around the eyes.  If it’s annoying for the first minute wearing it, don’t style it for the 40 minutes you’re on the road.
  3. If you wear goggles, make sure you get the anti-fog lenses.  I have run many times with goggles, as you can see in the pics.  Most of the time, I have them perched over my head and put them on when I pass a camera.  However, if you plan on running the full distance (like I did in my Robin outfit), get one that won’t fog up.  You’ll be sweating a lot, plus there will be vapor coming out from your eyes.  I actually got my goggles as part of my cosplay after one year of wearing some Elope goggles.  Those fog up in ten minutes, and I had to wipe them manually with my fingers.  So unseemly for a grim protector of the night such as Dr. Mid-Nite!  The anti-fog goggles I got from Amazon did the trick, though, and I’ve been using them for both cosplay and for running.
  4. Don’t put shorts over sweatpants.  I did a cosplay run in below freezing weather.  I wanted to look the part as Robin, short shorts and all, but I also didn’t want to freeze to death.  So I wore sweatpants with shorts over them.  Big mistake.  I was pulling up my shorts every quarter mile, because they kept slipping down over the bulkier sweatpants.  I think that leggings and shorts would’ve worked, but honestly it was far too cold that day.
  5. Try wireless headphones.  I’ve been running mainly with wireless headphones and they’ve been a life-saver.  One, the cords don’t snag on your costume bits or the safety pins holding up your number.  And two, they don’t pop out of your ears like earbuds often do.  It does get hot under there sometimes, but that’s a small price to pay for comfort.

Simple Halloween question

Is there a sexy Harambe costume?

God DAMMIT.

Huh

I guess today was El Santo Day.  Happy Birthday, my luchador namesake!

Google’s special El Santo banner

Fantasy Football Time!

Hey, it’s fantasy football time, and it’s time to sign up to the StarJammer’s King of Football league!

starjammers