Top 10 Ways You Know You’re A Trekkie

So… are you a Trekkie? In this day and age where Trek fans are popping out of the woodwork thanks to the J. J. Abrams movies, it’s hard to be sure some times. Use this handy dandy list to see if you, my friend, qualify under the moniker of being the most devoted (and mocked) fandom in science fiction.

  1. Despite decrying the song as a travesty on the order of a Bryan Adams love ballad, you guiltily have “Faith of the Heart” set as your ring tone on your phone … which, incidentally, also has an app that transforms it into a tricorder. (Bonus points if you’ve managed to transform your tablet into a working PADD.)
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  3. You have a crazy impulse to elbow the person next to you whenever Nurse Chapel, the ship’s computer voice, Luxanna Troi, or the original Number One appear onscreen. The person watching with you, incidentally is not interested at all in why you find these characters fascinating.
  4. You own either pointy ears, a Klingon head piece, or a “Wesley Crushers” shirt. In absence of such material goods: you have actually written an entry on Memory Alpha.
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  6. You find it the absolutely intolerable that anyone would ever find “Voyager” entertaining. The words “Neelix,” “Threshhold,” and “reset button” are never far from your lips in such conversations. You will, however, admit that The Doctor was the best
  7. You seriously consider getting a refund after Zachary Quinto gives a familiar yell in “Star Trek Into Darkness”, which for some reason you consider to be the height of blasphemy.
  8. You have defended, in public, how “Star Trek: The Motion Picture” is bold and visionary, excusing the interminable scene introducing the Enterprise as a love letter to the fans. Also, you know that Persis Khambatta’s character was named “Ilia,” and not “that bald lady from the Star Trek movie.”
  9. When asked if your favorite Star Trek captain is Kirk or Picard, you smugly reply, “Sisko.” Not necessarily because you really, really like Sisko… you’re just tired of everyone asking that question. Everyone one knows that the real controversy, by the way, is “Commanding officers: better in gold … or red?”
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  11. You quote Melville to show how smart you are, but pretty much everything you know about “Moby Dick” came from “Wrath of Khan.” Also, you end up doing the quote with a Spanish accent. Also, you have watched “Space Seed.” And didn’t find Khan’s tai chi moves to be super silly.
  12. For some reason, you think dressing someone in a Starfleet uniform with lightsaber moves is the height of hilarity.
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  14. And, finally… you actually know the difference between a “trekker” and a “trekkie.”
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