Seahawks need to go heel

So football fans have been all in a uproar about the results of Monday Night Football. They’re saying that the replacement refs screwed up. That the Packers got a victory stolen. Backlash has been hard on the Seahawks, who have suddenly found themselves the most hated team in the league. This is distressing my wife, a Seahawks fan, who has been going so far as to say that maybe, just maybe, the Seahawks should do the right thing and give the victory back to the Packers.

Ludicrous.

If anything, I think that the Seahawks should act more like the villians. The NFL is starting to looks a lot more like pro wrestling. Fights are spontaneously breaking out on the field. Players are flopping like they’re injured to get a ref’s attention. Coaches — like Bill Belichek — are distracting the officials. The crowd is starting up “BULLS***!” chants like it’s the Brock Lesnar/Bill Goldberg match.

So why not borrow from the wrestling playbook and just go FULL ON HEEL?

1.) Russell Wilson needs to do a total heel turn. At the beginning of the season, everyone was jumping on this guy like he was their next golden boy. Bill Simmons rated him as his favorite QB. Everyone talked about how mature and confident he seemed. So it rang especially hollow during the post-game interview when Wilson was asked about the ending, and he gave the standard speech how everyone on the Seahawks gave it their all.

Total cocky heel speech. This reminds me of Rocky Maiva, when he went from the smiling blue chipper to the Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment. Goody two-shoes Russell Wilson is boring. But a cocky Russell Wilson who greets the boos of fans from rival teams as if he were absorbing their hate to motivate him? While wearing $500 shirts and sunglasses? Tell me you don’t want to see this.

2.) Golden Tate needs to be sneakier. Tate pushing Shields for pass interference while grabbing the game winning touchdown? That’s more or less the equivalent of Triple H grabbing a sledgehammer, low-blowing Shawn Michaels while the ref ain’t looking, then going in for the cover. Awesome. This needs to happen more… and more blatantly while the ref is not looking. So next week’s game, I want Tate to straight up uppercut whoever the middle linebacker is on the St. Louis Rams. Or, I don’t know, run in the field during a play FROM THE SIDELINES to tackle a corner in the backfield.

By the way, that name? “Golden Tate”? That is TOTALLY a heel name the WWE would make up for one of their workers. Shoot, it’s right up there with “Dolph Ziggler.”

3.) Browner needs to wear a feather boa and flex before the camera. Seriously, this guy is a full on heel already. He drew like, what, 30 penalties or something? And every time, he had a villain sneer plastered on his face. He needs to take it to the next level to be more marketable. I mean…. seriously guys, there hasn’t been a Seahawks toy made by McFarlane since Shaun Alexander. At the same time, Roethlisberger gets seven or eight different releases. it pays to be the bad boy.

And finally…

4.) If all else fails, steel chairs. Seriously, there’s a ton of them on the sidelines. All you got to do is wait for the ref to look the wrong way….

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