Totally Serious Music Review #7: Ludacris’ “Area Codes”

Ludacris has hos in different area codes, and he doesn’t mind listing all of them. The song “Area Codes” has some utterly brilliant portmanteaus — “control your whore-mones,” “eat some whore-d’euvres,” “Everyday is a ho-ly day,” and “Northern Exp-ho-sure.” Most people would’ve settled with juvenile and pedestrian puns like “Ida-ho” and “Whore-egon,” but not Ludacris. The man is a poet. There’s been some discussion that this song is derogatory toward woman. But why must we assume these ho’s are all women? The “Bangkok” line, at least, has the same sexual ambiguity as that one line in The Kinks’ “Lola.”

However, as this map on the strangemaps site shows, Ludacris may have come across an area code that will surprise most of the prudes. I’m not talking about the big cities on the East and West coasts and the run through the Dirty South. That’s to be expected for a man of Ludacris’ tastes. No, I speak of the area code smack-dab in the center of the United States: Eastern Nebraska.

This throwaway reference is a window into Ludacris’ true desires: he wants to settle down on a farm with an honest, Christian Nebraskan woman. His life of hos and bling is a cover. He wants to wake up at the crack of dawn, milk the cows, and ride his John Deere tractor. Preferably, with solid gold spinners.

(Those of you living in the Omaha area may be screaming: “Shenanigans! We’re the 8th richest city in the US and we’re more than just a cow town!” Well, Mr. & Mrs. Omaha, the only reason Omaha places so high up on that list is because Warren Buffet, the richest man in the world, has his house there, and it most definitely skews the results. Go back to shucking or whatever it is you Nebraskans do.

Also, I imagine that Mr. Buffett would have a grand time riding shotgun on Ludacris’ tractor and chilling with the hos. Can the richest man in the world be generous enough to make Ludacris’ dream a reality?)

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