Totally Serious Music Review #2: Fergie’s “Fergalicious”

There’s a common misconception that “Fergalicious” refers to how delicious (in the aesthetic and carnal senses) singer Stacy “Fergie” Ferguson is. After all, there’s plenty of references to being “so delicious” and “working on [her] fitness.” Her previous hit with the Black Eyed Peas (“My Humps”) also covered a similar theme: the fabulousness of her body. An equal amount of critics love to point out that “Fergalicious” is not actually a word. That’s a weak criticism: if a certain combinations of letters and sounds are used with enough frequency, and people start using it in conversation, does it not by definition become a word? Besides, Ms. Ferguson herself provides a definition of the word in her song: “Fergilicious definition make the boys go loco.” However, here’s the secret: it’s not what you think it means.

What makes the boys go loco? Deception. The entire song is a wonderfully crafted deception to convince the listener that Ms. Ferguson is, in fact, a lusty object of desire. The song is structured to talk constantly of how she is “Delicious” and “Tasty,” which, from an aesthetic position, she is not. She insists that she’s not promiscuous, which every fiber of the listeners being tells him or her that she is not. These constant pronouncements are accompanied by other clues, obvious when you understand the song is based on deceit: calling on the unreliable Will.I.Am as a witness, feeding the notion that boys will be lining up the block to watch what she’s got, assuming that she is not conceited, namings herself the “Dutchess” (when that is Sarah Ferguson), and insisting that Will.I.Am’s cryptic mumbling can be deciphered. Is he saying “G-to-the-A-to-the-S-T-E-Y” or “T-to-the-A-to-the-S-T-E-Y”? The first one makes no sense, but the second is misspelled. See how these deceits add up to portray a convincing truth?

So the true definition of “Fergalicious” is “a moderately attractive woman successfully convincing the world that she is an object of great desire.” Is it any wonder, then, why she is embraced by middle-aged listeners, but shunned by the target youth demographic? Teens and pre-teens cannot understand the incongruity. Those over 30, though — with their looks fading and their features starting to resemble Stacy Ferguson without the makeup — either fall for Ms. Ferguson’s ploy or see through it and wish they were the ones putting the boys “on rock rock.”

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