What would Christmas be without the stop-motion special “The Year Without A Santa Claus”? Probably pretty much the same. However, children, easily amused teenagers, and easily amused 20-somethings latched onto this weird Rankin-Bass show, which is frankly about one of the most nonsensical Christmas specials that ever aired. This is a show that featured two very annoying elves named Jingle and Jangle and a painfully cute “It’s a Small World” style montage of children around the world.
Yet, everyone will agree that the most memorable segments belonged to the two children of Mother Nature, the Heat Miser and the Snow Miser. Which one of these two fine fellows rules our hearts and represents the true meaning of Christmas?
Heat Miser: A portly fellow. The main attraction here is his flaming red hair, puffy at the bottom, pointed and wispy at the top. In essence he looks like a kewpie doll, only far less creepy. He tends to look like a caricature of somebody from the British Parliament, permanent facial grimace and all. Yet you still need to fight of the urge to huge the stuffing out of him.
Snow Miser: Looks like the friggin’ Joker.
Winner: Hands down… the Heat Miser.
I present to you this sequential comparison:
Winner: A tough one, but I have to go with the Snow Miser. There’s nothing wrong with Heat Miser’s version, which infuses the song with a touch of the blues. However, Snow Miser’s song is more uptempo, inviting and seducing the listener to voyage deeper into his frigid world … like a snowbound Willy Wonka. Also, he adds a nice “Woop woop woop woop woop!”, always a welcome touch.
Heat Miser: A fiery volcano. Resembles traditional depictions of the Underworld. Random fountains of fireballs only add to the effect.
Snow Miser: A snow palace. A splendid combination of light and reflection.
Winner: Push. The volcano is indeed more threatening, but that matches Heat Miser’s surly demeanor. The snow palace is a fine place, too, and matches Snow Miser’s more reasonable temper. Also, is it any coincidence that both settings have been used by Bond villains?
Heat Miser: Mister Hundred and One.
Snow Miser: Mister Ten Below.
Winner: Heat Miser. If you were telling everyone how great you were, would you call yourself “less than zero” or would you call yourself “better than a hundred, a value that you can only dream of reaching”?
Heat Miser: Mister Green Christmas.
Snow Miser: Mister White Christmas.
Winner: Snow Miser. If you’re Mr. 100-and-1, how does that translate to a Green Christmas, exactly? I’m thinking Dry Christmas or Brown Christmas. I’m not thinking of lush, tropical vegetation. I’m thinking Death Valley here. Plus, nothing at Heat Miser’s home is actually green! What’s up with that?
Heat Miser: A group of smaller Heat Misers, only less wrinkly.
Snow Miser: Likewise, except just as wrinkly.
Winner: Ah, here’s the deciding point, and it goes overwhelmingly to Heat Miser. Snow Miser’s camp are think, scrawny, and underfed. Frankly, he would’ve done better without those strange, misshapen guys. But you can’t have Heat Miser without the Li’l Misers! Watch the video and look at those guys again! They’re surly, like the paterfamilias, but far more adorable! Heat Miser was already huggable enough, but the little guys pushes the cute factor way over the legal limit.
Total Winner: The Heat Miser!