So, if you were like me, you mourned the elimination of the last hot superhero on the team. This isn’t a slam on Whip Snap or Hygena. Both are beautiful in their own ways. But neither was a total hottie like Basura. Still, many fanboys are asking themselves: who was the better hottie superhero — this season’s Basura, or last season’s Lemuria? Both were the top of their class in the eye-candy department. And, as Monty Python would say it, both had bountiful tracts of land.
Rooktopia tackles this problem indepth to settle this battle of super-hotties once and for all:
BASURA: Real name, Aja De Coudreaux. Superhero name means “garbage” in Spanish.
LEMURIA: Real name, Tonatzin Mondragon. Name comes from hypothetical land mass located in the Indian Ocean. This is tied in with her origin story, which is based on Atlantis mythology. She was sent to the future from the past by her Atlantian father and raised in 21st century Mexico. She’s an archaeology student. And she discovers that must prevent war from breaking out between Atlantis and the Mu.
WINNER: Have to had it to Lemuria. That is one hell of on obscure name origin, and it sure beats calling yourself “garbage.” By the way, those can’t be the real names for both contestants, can they?
BASURA: “Communicates with and is aided by insects of all kinds; trains small animals to assist her; can intuit by touch how any object was created; turns trash into treasure and reshapes rubbish into robots.”
LEMURIA: “Shoots laser-beams and fireballs; levitates; drains energy from people, animals and plants; hurls orbs of solar energy.”
WINNER: Basura. Lemuria sorta saddled herself with the sample pack of superhero powers and ends up not being very original. Basura has bugs and trash-bots to do her bidding. Tres cool.
BASURA: Ummm… Cleanliness? Also, the scifi.com site says “Her insect friends can be unreliable when ‘primal needs’ arise.” Uh, awwwwkkwarrrrddddd.
LEMURIA: Darkness and the night.
WINNER: Basura. OK, it was worded a bit creepily, but vulnerability to darkness and night is a pretty terrible weakness. Wasn’t that Nuclear Man’s weakness from Superman IV? And how was that a good thing?
BASURA: Two — “Is the trash gonna have to take YOU out?” and “Looks like it’s gonna get messy!”
LEMURIA: “Hello, sunshine!”
WINNER: Basura. Ugh. Neither are any good, but “Hello, sunshine!” has to be the worst catchphrase ever.
WINNER: Basura. Grawwwwrrrrrrr….
TV SHOW OUTFIT
WINNER: Lemuria. I can’t say that Basura’s new outfit was much of an improvement as it was basically the same thing but with different materials. Also, it got rid of the feather headwear, which I thought was pretty awesome. Lemuria’s outfit was a huge improvement, going from go-go dress to something that actually looks superheroic.
COMIC BOOK COVERS
WINNER: Basura. These are both terrific comic book covers, and I would pick up either one if I were at the comic book store. In fact, in a perfect world, we’d have a “Birds of Prey” style comic with a Lemuria-Basura team-up. They’d be like girl Superman and girl Batman! That said, Basura wins because she looks awesomely mysterious. She looks like she should be facing an army of ninjas and greeting them with a smirk like you wouldn’t believe.
HOW THEY GOT ONTO THE SHOW
BASURA: Got on as a garbage artist.
LEMURIA: Was voted on by horny geeks on an online poll.
WINNER: Basura. Anyone hottie can get voted through an online poll. The garbage artist thing is pretty unique.
SUPER BONUS ROUND: FAN ART
WINNER: Lemuria. I know Basura’s supposed to be living in garbage, but I don’t remember he looking like a ghetto mama. At least cartoon Lemuria looks like she’s ready for the Justice League!
SUPER BONUS ROUND #2: THIS SUPERHEROINE REMINDS ME OF…
BASURA: Rosario Dawson.
LEMURIA: Jennifer Aniston.
WINNER: Basura. Rosario Dawson’s underrated, but she’s got tons more raw sexuality than Jennifer Aniston any day. And, oddly, the same can be said of these two heroes.
BASURA. Well miss you, girl. Who Wants To Be a Superhero? is a whole lot less sexy without you.