note: some mild spoilers for CAPTAIN AMERICA: WINTER SOLDIER, but actually less spoilers than the Agents of SHIELD TV episode.
“Contacting Captain America!
This is Nick Fury.
You need to bring the Black Widow
Something’s got me worried.
DC’s under siege and
We’re in a bit of a hurry.”
This looks serious Captain,
It’s some top secret factions.
Grab your star-spangled helmet
And your shield and spring to action!
You mean a super joke
like Batroc the Leaper?
I’m talking about taking down
some double-agent sleepers!
We’ll take it down to the secret base
Of Arnim Zola,
The crazy Nazi creep with his face
In a computer,
Staring at us
from his creepy matrix eyes
On a USB drive
where his brains got digitized.
Doing backflips off my shield’s
Your idea of fun?
I’ll skip the parachute
You bring your two guns.
It’s a Marvel Two-In-One:
Cap and Black Widow
Crashing through the windows!
TWAKK! We got the stinger and shield.
SMAKK! We’re the best in the field.
When we’re coming through
You best put your guns up,
Captain America and Widow
Got some justice to run up
When America’s in trouble
From a bunch of evil zeroes,
You put in a request
For the best Avengers heroes.
You need to pick up the phone.
I need some back up
taking down old Crossbones.
Falcon! He’s more than a sidekick.
He’s more like the Air Force,
Coming all at your tails
With his jets at full course
on two shiny metal wings
Drawing out rogue agents
Like those dudes ain’t got no thing
Nick Fury’s one good eye
Picked a team of super spies
Take the skies to fly
And put down their alibis
Bearing down on you Zemos
Best watch out wherever we go
Your ship is going down
Like your name is Captain Nemo.
Cold day in DC just got even colder
Run and take cover, look out for Winter Soldier.
I gotta save the world,
Got no time for Natasha.
Why’s she setting me up for dates?
What soap operas is she watching?
Director Nick Fury calls
What’s that dude need?
My back’s against the wall:
“Rogers! The base is under lockdown
Call Black Widow to bring in the throw down
We need a super soldier to take down all the threats.
Bust heads with that shield so they never will forget.”
Man, I’m tired of these games, but yeah it’s game on
I grab Black Widow and head to Triskelion.
The Winter Soldier: it will be ice to meet him,
But make no mistake I’m still gonna defeat him
And he’ll call his mama
When his butt goes down to the
Cuz no one can save the day like the Captain
Widow will make you sway like that and
Going in, the bullets fly
Got Avengers by my side
No one can save the day like the Captain
Apologies to Snoop Dogg. Poem is patterned after his “Batman & Robin” duet with Lady of Rage.